I already had my quota of dates. Many of them a result of meeting someone on online forums or mobile dating apps (horrible experience so far!). Online dating can be an easier way to make contact with someone nowadays but it certainly has its cons. In fact, I think online dating has become the supersonic version of speed dating. In less than 3 minutes you are asked at least one of the following questions:
- do you have kids?
- what’s you job?
- do you have WhatsApp?
At some point I gave up on online dating. And it doesn’t really have to do with the platform per se: you can develop a deep and interesting connection online. However, what I seem to notice on dating apps is that people automatically engage in some sort of “fast dating script” which makes them look like robots and not at all like human beings.
And what can I say about people’s profiles? If we pay attention to what people write in their profiles we soon conclude that people try to “pre-select” their options in the silliest and more superficial way we can imagine. Here is some of the criteria often used by men:
- must know how to take care of herself
- must have a good sense of humour
- must like to go to the gym, and
- must like to go out as well as to stay at home watching Netflix
We can also find more about them in their ‘personal’ description, a ‘glimpse’ of their soul and life. You can usually find lines such as:
- tall and cheeky with a big heart
- the kid on the photo is not mine
- here for a good time
- looking for someone who is fun
- love confident strong women
And when there is a match, the conversation is also usually the same, like if there is some sort of shared script:
- hi, how are you?
- swhat do you do?
- can we chat on Whatstapp?
Maybe this was entertaining when I was 20 years old, but now I am fed up of reading the same script every time. Conversations run dry after 10 minutes because there is nothing substantial to make a connection. It’s like you either go through a script at the speed of light and you book the guy for a coffee, or the game is over. And more often than not, if you decide to go for a coffee as a result of your speedy and empty chat, you will probably never have a second date.
I think there should be something called ‘slow dating’. I don’t mean that we should go back in time and write long letters to each other, but I think we should at least stop to consider if we are actually making the right decision in matters of dating. Of course that if you want to live in the Dating Rollercoaster Planet and jump from failure to failure, that’s absolutely fine; but why rush everything to just meet a guy and find out later that he doesn’t want anything else than collect another girl’s mobile number?
If there’s something I have learnt about potential dating partners is that if you give too much right away then 1) you will have no time to properly meet the other person, and 2) there will be nothing left to stimulate the other person’s curiosity about you. And another thing I have learnt is that sometimes we are so afraid of being alone and never finding love again that we put ourselves in the fast lane and then end up eating ice-cream from the bucket, because things didn’t go well again.