I took some days off from work and I came to Lisbon. I don’t know why I keep doing this – I am living abroad for three years now and every time I take some time off I come here, only to find the same stressful situation: I can’t relax over here.
Now that my parents live in the middle of nowhere, it is even worse. I don’t go anywhere because I don’t drive and I don’t have a car. The internet is as slow as it used to be two decades ago and I don’t have a private space where I can hear the silence and take a deep breath. And to make everything better, my iPhone died by the time I got here and I haven’t been even able to go outside and record some content.
I know I’m overreacting; of course I am. I should be happy and content with the amount of green space I have around me and the fact that the sun has been out all the time. The truth is that in two weeks I haven’t been able to relax and I can’t wait to go back home, a place I know it’s going to annoy me again soon because I share the house with three men and I’m tired of bumping into them in the kitchen, in the stairs, and every time I’m desperate to use the toilet. In other words, I’m fed up with pretty much everything and right now I’m annoyed by the non-stop barking of the dogs outside and the neighbours fighting with each other pretty loud.
I’m listening to the radio and there is a Portuguese song playing that gently reminds me that I have been this grumpy since my last serious relationship started to crumble. That scarily goes back to… 2012. I need to make a trip to that time and sort myself out but I have been avoiding to do that.
The song is about having “a love for a lifetime”. And I lost mine.
We would have been together for 8 years next month.